his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize