Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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