Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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