just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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