He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
