Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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