apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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