he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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