the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
