Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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