is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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