No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
