His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
