I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize