when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
