there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
