he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize