he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
