How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
