The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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