in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
