Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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