You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize