Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
