in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
