I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
