she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
