You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
