He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
