Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
