Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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