No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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