I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its about making memories worth repressing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
