don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
