Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
