And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
