It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
