Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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