I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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