On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
