if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish you could order shots online.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize