hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
