Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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