The maid of honor just puked.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
