I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
