How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
