dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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