he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
