A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come on in and take your pants off
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