I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
