i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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