I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
