Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
