Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
