I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
