apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize