well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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