i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
whose parrot is this?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
