im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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