I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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