my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
