i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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