My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
