After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
