Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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