No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
