I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
