normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
