what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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