you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
