even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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