totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will be naked everywhere
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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