Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
