Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
