This is not my ceiling
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your cock deserves a montage
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
