so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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