You're so nebulous sometimes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
