Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
