I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
