Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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