Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
