i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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