i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
