so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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