Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
