Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
