In the future we'll all be gay
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
