Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
