Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
