u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
