just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
