You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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