I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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