I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize