Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
