Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
