I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
