the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is Oprah even human
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
