You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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