Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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