The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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