"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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