Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
