member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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