Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
