Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
