pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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