I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
