I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
