There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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