sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im holly from the hills drunk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
