I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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