then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
