Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
