Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
