I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
