Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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