halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
