for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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