It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
